Ever have one of those days?

WTF (White Trash Friday)
This is me 'n my youngin' -- Bobo. Note the family resemblance :-)

TITLE: "This bud's for you!"
(ain't he a cute lil' thang?? takes after his daddy)

Sometimes you're the infant
Sometimes you're nothing but an udder fool.
The land of milk and honey is fine
if you like the company of cows and bees.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you
Tweak my neeps, and I'll knock you into next week.

Nuts to the Squirrels...

... and squirrels to the nuts (or the Gophers).

Per our promise to send him some of these obnoxious, un-healthy sugar-bombs to celebrate his birthday Monday (you were supposed to send an address, young man), this is the best I could manage.

I referenced Circus Peanuts in an earlier post, and mentioned that they were quite possibly the lowest members of the candy food chain, offering ZERO nutritional value and a guaranteed sugar buzz that will send the sensitive into lift-off. They are a perennial favorite in my family-- one of those unexplained addictions that are embrrasing to admit to but are legal to consume. Much like marshmallow Peeps (which come in yellow, pink, blue, purple and white), they are a strange aberration of the food pyramid.

So, I present: Circus Peanuts

If they don't have such creatures in Scotland let Mel and I know-- we'll send you a packet of them so that your life will be complete.

Can You Tell Me How to Get...

um.. ok. I guess I don't need to know after all... (I always knew those Sesame Street dudes weren't as sweet as we thought.)

Seems some more of Wahwer's emotional innocence has been thrown under the bus. I've been in a bit of a funk lately over the rank deception that people commit when they say one thing in public but act another way when they think they're out of the spotlight.

I get so tired of people putting on pleasant, smarmy faces for the world, trying to fool the public into thinking that they're at the foot of the cross. In reality, they are nothing but whited sepulchers. Bastards. I have no use for people who want to perpetrate the myth that they are loving, generous, self-sacrificing and benevolent, when all evidence supports the contrary.

I simply don't have the energy to maintain a false front. I barely have the strength to be real and stick to my own path. How do people do it? I'm lucky to go to work, meet my obligations, help my family & try to have some semblance of a life. Where do these socio-paths find the drive to live what amounts to a double life? The Enquirer, the Insider, all those scandal shows and magazines-- their stock in trade is touting the "shocking" stories of people who maintain separate lives apart from their acknowledged spouses / families. The sad truth is that these stories exist all around us and aren't really that unusual at all...

The Flip Side: Even while I would like to assume a place on the moral highground, it seems to be human nature that we frail creatures are born to deceive. I was chatting with my mom the other day, and she passed along a compliment that a friend had given her about me. "She said you were the nicest, sweetest girl..." Then she went on to say that people were telling her all the time how much they like / love me and how delightful I am. Then she turned and said smoothly, "How'd you manage to fool so many of them?"

In passing: Whenever I run spellcheck on an entry pre-post, and I have spoken self referentially, it offers the word "whore's" as a substitute for "Wahwer's." Coincidence? I wonder. This Blogging has a whore's allure at times... I dangle my personal thoughts and emotions out on the internet, partly to satisfy my inner exhibitionist & partly to elicit comments from virtual strangers, with only feedback as payment for my efforts.

Oh dear.. this thread could go in a whole different direction than the one I thought to tackle today. Remind me to come back to my harlot tendencies on a different day.

What a Day This Has Been...

...what a RARE mood I'm in... why it's-- almost the time to GO HOME ~

The day started on an interesting note, when I got flipped the bird by a total stranger as he made a quick left turn across the intersection I was approaching.

I got to the office on time, but the boss chose today to rip the receptionist a new rectum because of her chronic tardiness & other crimes (and we had to listen in).

We had a steady stream of morons and miscreants appearing all morning, including a weird woman who had been trying to get our office to "receive" a UPS package for her (LONG story).

When I ran home at lunchtime, I found an overdraft notice from my bank. Shit.

But then when I got back to work I received a lovely bouquet of roses and irises from my dear friends from Seattle, and the afternoon brought a chocolate cake and prezzies from my co-workers.

I'm spent, and glad I get to take tomorrow off to celebrate my actual birthday. I may just have to start the celebrating tonight, just to get in practice :-)

Objects May Appear Scarier...

... than they really are.

Um, it would appear I may have frightened a few people with my diatribe yesterday. I'm not sure where I went wrong... was it the mention of napalm? The voodoo dolls? Who knows...

So I've asked my friend Snookems here (she's friends with Sharon's foundling kitties) to vouch for my character.

"Thank meow. Meow meow Wahwer is the meow-est human I ever meowed. Meow would never meow meow another meow, and meow should trust meow completely. Meow."

See? Totally trustworthy and not scary. If Snookems says I'm o.k. then there's nothing to worry about, right? Right. Carry on then.

P.S I normally would have asked my friend Fluffy to speak for me, but he's not himself these days.

The Green-Eyed Monster

Confession time.
Wahwer is an INTENSELY JEALOUS person. (yes, I speak of myself in 3rd person when I get crazy)

By nature I'm not covetous of material things (solid Catholic upbringing). I might admire someone's clothes, appreciate a flashy car, or look longingly at a person's home. But I can't say that my pining flows over into coveting. That being said, today's shameful confession is that with each year I become increasingly aware that I am jealous / covetous in the extreme where friends and loved-ones are concerned (which I will hereafter refer to as "associates"). I tend to be fiercely protective of them, and would go to great lengths to keep them happy and from harm or sadness. Unfortunately (for me? them?) I also become jealous of other relationships my associates have had B.W (Before Wahwer).

My friends are MY friends. My boyfriends are MY boyfriends (stop laughing, Mel). At times I would wish a tidal wave of napalm over the albatross old pals and ex-girlfriends of my dear ones. Do I want to see them dead? No. Do I want to wash away the memory of them from my associates' minds? Hell yeah. I want to do my best Rhett Butler imitation, laying my hands just so on either side of each friends' head and squeeze the memory of poisonous past attachments from their minds. Not the good ones, certainly. I don't want them to forget the healthy, nurturing loving relationships that have brought them happiness & made them better people. I simply want to delete their memories of the bastards who lowered their self-esteem and damaged their delicate inner framework. The people who made them less instead of more.

Of course I would be a liar if I said I'd never wanted to snatch someone's ex baldheaded just because, well... just because. I'd love to see an x-ray of both of my hands and feet, where I'm sure you could see the healed crosshatching of mended bone. Schisms in calcium that occurred when I pounded my clenched fists against walls and fired my foot at objects while helpless with rage & jealousy-- objects that hadn't earned my ire. If I had a voo-doo doll for every past offender that brought pain to my associates, I'd need to rent a storage shed. Better yet, I ought to just make one giant gender-neutral voo-doo doll and simply invoke the a-holes' names whenever the impulse strikes.

The saying goes that, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." I wonder if that sentiment extends towards guys as well? Do men experience the same all-consuming fury that women do when they feel shadowed by or compared to their partner's ex? And maybe we weren't even being scorned, we only perceived scorn (which is just as painful). How do you fight a specter who isn't at hand in-the-flesh for you to bitch-slap? What's worse, how do you cope when the injured associate won't recognize the damage that the former friend inflicted? If they insist on keeping them on a pedestal & overlooking the countless ways that they diminished your loved one's life?

Why do we even have to experience jealousy? It's so counterproductive and pointless. Maybe it's a means for measuring another person's value in our lives. We tend to value something most when we feel it can be taken away from us, so jealousy serves as a litmus test for our levels of attachment. Personally, I'd rather do without the test, thank you very much. But at least it lets me know I'm able to feel strong emotion, which is a gift in a society that bombards our senses and robs us of our ability to feel.

Who Says the Irish Lack a Sense of Humor?

This came off of Irish television

I couldn't help myself. I do try to remain a-political for the most part, simply because I respect the right to freedom of speech, expression & all that business. But regardless of your partisan persuasion, you have to admit that this is pretty damn hysterical. So I just wanted to send a great big sloppy American kiss to the caption writer who scored this one. Even if he got sacked after his supervisors caught the gaff, it would have been so-o-o-o-o worth it to be able to say you'd pulled it off...

Only thing funnier was the newspaper headline I saw during last year's presidential campaign. The candidates were on the baby-kissing tour, and both were scheduled to visit the local area. The headline boldly announced, "Citizens Eagerly Await Bush's Arrival Saturday Night."

I Beg Of You All

By all that's sacred, I'm asking my fellow Bloggers to do whatever you can, whatever it takes (prayer, rosary rattling, soul selling, ritual sacrifice [animals, small children, ex's]) to insure that the business proposal I'm currently working on will be successful.

When I returned to work for my current employer, it was on the understanding that a significant improvement in position would be forthcoming (i.e. authority AND salary) after 18 months - 3 years. That was 5 1/2 years ago.

I won't belabor the why's and how's of the situation-- suffice to say that promises were not kept, and the result has been several years of uncertainty and frustration in the workplace.

Sacrifice what you must to the gods / goddesses in order to make things come through. I hear they like chips & salsa, with lime and cilantro.

Sing a Song of Friday

Ahem... As if Friday is the onliest day for drinking beers. Yeesh! I just came across this lovely, refreshing image and thought I would share a few thoughts about my friends Bud & Weiser.

• It's good stuff

• There's always more where the last one came from.

• Did I mention it's really good stuff?

• If I ever have kids, it will be because of Budweiser... (or 'cause a good lookin' man buys me somel-- Buds, not kids)
  

• Goes really well with, um... anything, basically.
  

• I've loved "The King" (Elvis too) since I was a wee one.

• Work's over and a 3-day weekend ahead. Cold Bud anyone?