Blackbird Fly

Let a girl wax melancholic for a moment, will you?

For some reason the Beatles have always touched a chord with me (maybe because they had talent?) Whatever your opinion, their work has always spoken to me (or is it merely "The Voices" again, and they're starting to all sound like they're from Liverpool?) Whatever the reason, I've been having Beatles tunes jangle through my noggin' for the past few days.

This cheeky bugger (what I believe to be a red-wing blackbird) kept coming to check me out during my visit to a lovely wild-life conservancy area near my friend Barb's home outside of Seattle. And when I stumbled across this picture today, the predictable occured.

Blackbird

(Lennon/McCartney)

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Another Proud Moment

**This was a comment I made on my last post, but after I read it I realized that maybe I needed to expand the commentary and express my sentiments a bit more visibly. Ahem...

Another proud moment. I think my Blog virginity just went flying out the window... The shameless self - promotion angle of going to other folks blogs and leaving comments in an attempt to sell stuff is sad, my friends. I've seen it done on other Blogs, but this was my "first time"...

I could understand if my Blog was titled "Fat Chicks Unite" or "Holy Rollers Unite"-- then I could see Blog-retailers stumbling onto me and trying to proselytize based on a key-word search. Even if the subject of this post was remotely related to either subject, I would understand the hit. But I'm at a loss to see how these folks found there way to ME and decided I was a ripe candidate for their subject material. Stab in the dark? Educated guess? Psychic vibrations? I dunno...

FYI: I knew when I used the word "Queen" in the name I'd probably have folks strolling by who searched on that word alone. That's all good- Queens of all descriptions are welcome. If you still want to read on after you get here, even better!

And sure, I've visited other sites that I thought were well-written and vainly wanted to leave a message so that the brilliant writer would want to wander back to read MY brilliant ramblings.

But I didn't.

My apologies if the comments were left in earnest, but my finely-honed B.S.-meter spiked and I felt I should make my feelings known (this being my own blog and everything). In all honesty I've Blog-hopped to some pretty off-the-wall Blogs thanks to reading some unknown's comment-- both good & scary sites. Some I've ended up bookmarking and revisiting regularly. Several left me wishing there was mental Lysol that I could use to erase certain imagery from my mind's eye. Same thing might have happened in the case of the posters I'm referencing. Maybe the weight-loss pill guy did a search for "Bloggers over 30"-- Lord knows, women tend to start picking up poundage around that age and might be keenly interested in his product.

Cause She's Got... Multiple Personalities

Alright... too damn much cuteness for me (or most folks) to stomach. I opened my blog today and saw Elmo on my profile & the baby duckling picture heading the last post and nearly hurled on my keyboard.

Who AM I (today)?
I still can't decide if I'm a hard-ass with a soft-side, or a marshmallow with a well-defined bitch mode. I'm good with children of all ages, but I'm the first to admit my patience as capricious. I've sung in the church choir, yet I can swear like a sailor when motivated (all too often). Maybe I simply have multiple personalities (my mother could have confirmed this a lo-o-o-o-ong time ago).

According to my last Myers-Briggs personality test results, 3 of 4 letters came out with a 50 / 50 response. After further decisive questions I concluded that I was most like the ENFJ-type, but I still have some grey areas. When some folks take the tests they get a clear-cut result-- not so for moi... Many years ago my brother did his junior research paper on the Myers-Briggs testing, and so my entire family was subjected to endless discussions of how dead on the personality descriptions were. He liked nothing better than to look around at family, neighbors and even strangers to determine where the people fell on the scale. My brother, a classic INTP, indulged (to his little introverted heart's content) in rampant intrusiveness, all in the name of science. And he gloried in the fact that MY results (back then) were exactly opposite of his, further proving his opinion that I was actually a fairy changeling that had been left on my parents' doorstep years before.*

*NOTE: Even though we are 4-years apart in age and opposing genders, some misguided souls have asked us if we're twins because we have such a strong resemblance. Poor kid just never got over getting displaced from only-child status to being "the eldest."

Personality (or a Lack Thereof)
I've always struggled to understand people who have one-dimensional personalities. Which sounds like an oxymoron because it would seem simpler to understand a direct, uncomplicated type than a mutli-faceted onion-esque soul who defies comprehension. Maybe what I mean to say is that the simple sort don't challenge me enough to make comprehension seem like a good use of my time. It's the complicated ones that capture (and keep) my attention.**

**NOTE: I thought about delving into a lovely discourse on the difference between the striking simplicity of black & white images vs color at this point. But as I'm a hopeless fan of both Ansel Adams & film noir cinema, I felt the metaphor might get muddled. You'll survive without it, I'm a'thinking.

Most of my personality traits are up for debate. But from my vantage point I think that makes me all the more interesting as a test case (egotistical brat that I am). You be the judge. It's up to you to decide if my personality is worthy of scrutiny.

Wahwer in Da Hood

I saw this picture and was immediately reminded of a comparison between me (lil yellow peep) and the majority of my neighbors (black peeps on the wall). When I first moved to my Hood 3 years ago, NONE of my neighbors (white OR black) spoke with me for the first 6 months. Eventually, two different neighbors (one white / one black, both male) told me to watch my back because I came across as "too friendly" and that people didn't trust me (I later learned most folks thought I was some kind of police CI, imbedded to learn about dealings in Da Hood). As IF!
Now, after 3+ years, I recognize a large number of neighbors on sight, and many actually stop and chat when they see me sitting on my porch in the evenings. The peep made me see how I might have come across to my neighbors: honest eager, yet alien from anything they were used to seeing!

Skinny Dippin' Therapy

Hadn't done it for almost a decade, and not in mixed company for even longer.

Of course, there was minimal coverage involved (I left my skivvies on and borrowed an oversized t-shirt). And it was hardly something I had planned to do last night. But I'm telling you, it felt so damn good to be spontaneous after my crazy-ass week that it was an easy decision to make.

I couldn't remember the last time that I had just "dove in" and relaxed. We talked about the goofy pool tricks we'd mastered growing up: front and back somersaults, handstands, cannonballs and outrageous dives. Then we proceeded to see which we could still execute (few, sadly, due to only waist-high water). Of course we had to see who could cross the pool while swimming underwater, and then make all the pre-requisite jokes about "finding" the aeration jet, and special chemicals in the water that would change color if someone tried to pee in the pool. Each of us dunked or got dunked at least once, and reminisced about favorite swimming stories, from baudy to benign. Then we floated in slow circles, frog-kicking lazily with no destination in mind.

In a heartbeat we were carried away on private reveries... remembering special firsts... Learning to swim, poolside flirtations, pool sex, skinny dipping adventures from skinnier days. It was a two-hour prescription for stargazing, to be taken internally (with food)-- may cause dizziness.

In rapid fire succession I was:
3 - learning to swim
7 - learning to dive
12 - hanging at the city pool, eating snacks, gawking at BOYS & doing anything BUT swim
15 - dunking / being dunked by BOYS
19 - recalling the boneless feeling of lying naked on a waterbed, doing a "dead man's" float

It's startling to realize that all those "girls" are still bobbing around companionably in my subconscious, and that the whiff of chlorine and some vinyl float rings were enough to bring them crowding around me like old friends.

It had been a lifetime since I'd felt my fingers and toes turn into prunes, since I'd let myself float until my teeth chattered and my skin was covered in goose bumps. Stars dotted the hazy sky, and the last few fireflies of summer floated over the pool, searching for one last chance at paradise.
I think they had the right idea.

Quiz Du Jour - Confessions

I saw this on Sharon's site. The instructions were to check off all the things you've done. I was suprised at how many I'd done. Well, maybe suprised is not... quite... accurate ~

(X) smoked a cigarette.
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(X) been in love
(X) been dumped.

(X) been fired. Actually, when I went to the boss to give notice that I was quitting she said, "Oh GOOD... I've been meaning to have a talk with you..."
( ) been in a fist fight
(X) snuck out of your parents' house Didn't go far, but did it anyway.
(X) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. *sigh*
( ) been arrested

( ) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
( ) skipped school
(/) seen someone die All but the final moment... I'd been with Dad round the clock, left the room to make a phone-call, and he died while I was away.
(X) gone sledding

(X) been to Canada Beautiful country-- very clean.
( ) been to Mexico
(X) been on a plane
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire. Um, no.
(X ) eaten sushi. I like certain kinds, usually with wasabi or ginger or somesuch on it.

( ) been skiing.
(X) met someone from the internet Nice guy-- personality of a sack of gravel, but nice.
(X) been at a concert
(X) taken painkillers Better living through pharmaceuticals, right?
(X) love someone or miss someone right now

(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(X) made a snow angel Thanks for the memory...
(X) had a tea party
(X) flown a kite
(X) built a sand castle

(X) gone puddle jumping.
(X) played dress up
(X) jumped into a pile of leaves
(X) cheated while playing a game
(X) been lonely

(X) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake ID Sadly, I looked old for my age and never needed one UNTIL I was 21!
(X) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake Missed it... I was sleeping at school and didn't feel it...
(X) slept beneath the stars. In between watching a sunset (see above), then a sunrise (see below)

(X) been tickled. REPEATEDLY
(X) been robbed. Bastards stole my gymbag out of my car. Took $250+ to replace the contents.
(X) been misunderstood. ALL-TOO-FREQUENTLY
(X) petted a reindeer/goat/kangaroo I actually got to milk a goat
(rather disturbing sensation for a child).
(X) won a contest. Don't ask-- I hate to brag ;-)

(X) run a red light/stop sign. Yes, but not on purpose. At least that's what I told the officer.
( ) been suspended from school
(X) been in a car crash One major, one minor. Passenger both times.
(X) had braces

(X) felt like an outcast/third person I'm the 3rd wheel Queen
(X) eaten a whole pint! of ice cream in one night Oddly yes, though I rarely eat the stuff
(X) had deja vu.
( ) danced in the moonlight Someday...
(X) liked the way you looked Right up until I saw pictures of the moment and thought, "Holy (@*&^#... and I thought I looked GOOD that day???"

(X) witnessed a crime Robbery, petty theft, hit-and-run... not simultaneously though
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes briefly... not enough to say YES
( ) gone doorbell ditching I was too clumsy to make a clean getaway, so I didn't try
(X) believe in ghosts I've had enough supernatural run-ins to not doubt
(X) found a stray animal and kept it Yes, & two years later we're still together

(X) squished barefoot through the mud
(X) been lost While I was squishing barefoot in the mud
(X) been on the opposite side of the country
(X) swam in the ocean
(X) felt like dying Two words: FOOD POISONING

(X) cried yourself to sleep
(X) played cops and robbers
(X) recently colored with crayons
(X) sung karaoke
(X) paid for a meal with only coins God love that waitress... she understood we were all poor, broke college students drinking endless cups of coffee all night at Denny's to have somewhere to loaf besides our dorm rooms.

(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't . See comment above about "strays"
(X) made prank phone calls. Less than satisfying (hey Sharon-- I called PBS too! Those damn pledge breaks really ticked me off; I also called the MDA telethon 'cause there was a hottie answering calls and I wanted to get HIM to answer).
(X) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
two more words: HOT CHOCOLATE
(X) caught a snowflake on your tongue

(X) written a letter to Santa Claus. Boy was I sucker
( ) been kissed under the mistletoe. Keeping my fingers crossed
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
Only he didn't know I cared. Pity.
(X) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach

(X) crashed a party. Story of my life every weekend Senior year
(X) gone rollerskating.
(X) had a wish come true
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) ate dog/cat food. Do dog biscuits (on a dare) count??

(X) told a complete stranger you loved them He found the wallet I'd dropped, then wouldn't take a token of thanks.
(X) kissed a mirror. In lieu of someone else... a girl's gotta practice, right?
(X) sang in the shower.
(X) had a dream that you married someone. YES. And it was always someone I didn't know / like / or who wasn't available. Basically they were nightmares.
( ) glued your hand to something.

( ) kissed a fish. ????
(X) sat on a roof top. Just yesterday, in fact. But I left my rifle on the gunrack.
(X) screamed at the top of your lungs. Primal scream therapy RULES
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel. I could barely do two-handers.
( ) talked on the phone for more than 5 hours.

(X) stayed up all night
(X) picked and ate an apple right off the tree. Wormy & bitter
(X) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
(X) scared to watch a scary movie alone. I HAVE done it, but I was scared shitless.

( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes.
(X) worn a really ugly outfit to school. Do 12 years of parochial school uniforms count?
(X) pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on. **hangs head in shame and twiddles thumbs**
( ) gone streaking
(X) gone skinny dipping in a pool/hot tub. Just last night, in fact. (see my next post)

(X) told you're hot by a complete stranger
(X) broken a bone. several digits & my foot (another dumb story for times to come)
(X) been easily amused.
( ) caught a fish then ate it. Caught one, didn't eat it
(X) caught a butterfly.

(X) laughed so hard you cried
(X) cried so hard you laughed
(X) cheated on a test And got caught. Helps to not drop your crib notes on the floor as the teacher walks by :-(
(X) forgotten someone's name I'm HORRID with names
(X) french braided someone's hair. Others and my own (when it's long enough). I'll be pleased to teach you when we meet, Sharon!

(X) loved someone so much you would gladly die for them.

Reports of My Demise...

...have not been exaggerated. What a crazy, wild ride it's been.

Between birthdays, pointless felonies, alcohol immersion, renegade street sweepers, crazy co-workers, cat colons, family illnesses, screaming neighbors, idiot associates and a host of other dramas and traumas during the past 7 days, I hardly know whether I'm coming or going.

I've been having numerous escapist moments reading EVERYONE else's blog as an excercise in sanity preservation-- mental floss, if you will. You've all kept my chins off the floor during the craziness, and for that I thank you. To each of you who has bared a soul, shared an escapade, or been willing to get bare and bald with us, muchas gracias, mi amigos.

Hopefully I'll have my wits about me again soon and be able to do more than be an internet voyeur. Be patient, I'll grow some new brain cells and we'll all be just fine. Really. I will. Fer sure.