Top 10 Reasons I Love My Neighborhood

1. In the words of a "gentleman" who had walked from behind my garage (where he'd been transacting a drug deal): "You sure could write a book about all the things you see and hear around here-- you sure could!"

2. The fact that no one batted an eye when I dragged my rolled-up living-room carpeting out my front doors at 10PM the other night. One neighbor lady (who sits in front of her house 18-out-of every-24 hours) waved hello, and asked if I'd, "wrapped 'the body' in the carpet" or was I merely removing DNA evidence?

3. The prostitute who has been working in front of the building across the alley from my place (after she and her dealer boyfriend got evicted across the street) seems to have sought treatment for her chronic cough. Why do I know this? Because Sunday night 2 weeks ago she stood outside coughing and soliciting from 10:30PM-1AM, and coughed like a harp seal the whole time. I didn't know whether she actually sought medical treatment or if the TB has abated, but I'm glad to know she's on the mend. Unbridled coughing & heightened gag reflex would be a negative thing when trying to make a living giving BJ's...

4. The dealer (long-time boyfriend of the hacking hooker) kindly ran over and offered to help when he saw me attempting to move a large recliner into another neighbor's apartment building (my helper was an unmotivated 14-year-old boy who is NOT used to moving heavy things). While Eddy (dealer) helped the teen carry the chair up the flight of stairs, the hooker (Chrissy) asked me if I knew the building's landlord/owner (I do, but said NO). The reason she asked was because the 1st floor apartment became vacant this past week & I know she and her old man would KILL to get another primo location where they could stand in front of their building 24/7 yet not be accused of loitering).

5. The reason the apartment became vacant is because the former tenant had the sad habit of partying until reaching obliteration-- at which point people (read here: drug using / dealing associates & fellow drunks including Eddy & Chrissy) would wander in because they knew Carl was passed out and "wouldn't give a shit" if they flopped there...

6. Have I ever mentioned how much the name "Carl!" sounds like "Wahwer!" when slurred drunkenly and at full volume at 4:30AM? The hollering was usually accompanied by beating on Carl's doors & windows, followed by swearing and more hollering when they couldn't get Carl's drunk ass up to let them in... I'm going to miss the heart-pounding adrenalin surges that would then keep me awake for an hour after I had jumped up from a sound sleep to run to my window thinking someone was in trouble and calling my name.

7. On Saturday I made the mistake of mentioning (out loud) to a neighbor that I hadn't heard gunfire in the area for some time. Yesterday morning, as I drank coffee and read the Sunday paper, I heard 4 distinct gun shots echoing through the surrounding valley. When I noted the observation to the same neighbor later that afternoon, he said, "Guess someone didn't like the outcome of their Easter egg hunt."

8. Cats. Lots & lots of cats. Stray cats who like to take big steamy craps in my garden.

9. Good neighbors who generously share when they make "too much Sunday dinner" and need to unload barbecued spare ribs and mashed potatoes on you so it "don't go to waste."

10. No need for cable t.v.