Runs With Scissors

My latest pathetic admission is that I am about as dangerous as a pair of saggy pantyhose. I'll admit that I live in a questionable neighborhood, and that act in itself might register as risky on the Fear Factor Richter scale. But beyond the random acts of idiocy that occur around me, my life is punctuated by the rising cost of a gallon of milk and the price of pansies at Wal-mart.

I've always been a vanilla kind of gal... Lots of safe decisions, not a ton of regrets (Noteworthy exception: Why the hell didn't I go see U2 in concert 20 YEARS AGO? Why, dammit... WHY????) In general, I've been a fan of the dangerous but a practitioner of the mainstream.

I don't have any tattoos (yet). I have promised myself that on the day when I can choose 1) a design / message & 2) a location (to which the tat would be inked) where I would not be embarrassed to have either my grandchildren or a nursing home attendant find said marking, I'll haul ass to the nearest ink-man and do the deed. As for piercings, I started with the traditional one-per-ear at age six-- partly because many of my little peers had the same, and partly in an attempt to make people stop calling me "little boy" (mom kept my hair short & I was a total tomboy). My only rebellion in that department was to try the second piercing on the right side look when I was a freshman (weren't the 80's GREAT for trend-setting?) The fact that I didn't sterilize the earring or lobe prior to the act (as well as numbing the area with a handful of snow) probably had little bearing on the resulting infection & closure of the hole. When I next attempted double-indemnity, I pierced BOTH lobes-- again at home sans alcohol (either in- or externally).

I've never mooned / flashed anyone. I have been on the receiving end of several moons and public... **ahem**... floggings... But I've never taken the bull by the stones and released the hounds in public. What am I waiting for? This is where we cue the internal dialogue voice that sounds oddly like Brenda Vaccaro doing an ad for hormone replacements: "Honey.. if you have ta ask WHY you've waited, then there musta not been too many good moments."

In honor of my life not-lived-dangerously, I'm adding an honorary spirit name to my resume:

Runs With Scissors

Even if I never embrace the ink, pierce a part, or throw caution to the wind (along with my boulder holder), I'll be able to signify to the world that I too have a dangerous side.